just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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