I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
