gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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