he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
