No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
