Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
