I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
