$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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