I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
