2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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