Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
