He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
