oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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