connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
