i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
