Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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