Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
