Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
