Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
