I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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