This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
