She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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