I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
