well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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