just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He passed out mid-signature
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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