I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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