He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
