if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
