i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
