He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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