i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
