I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
