remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
