im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My vagina is officially offended.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
