are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
