I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There r osticjed everywhere
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
