also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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