i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
