I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
