the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She even gives head with a lisp.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
