yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
