dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You made out with two different species that night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
