I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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