so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
