I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
