I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
