bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
