Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
