My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
