it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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