You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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